Funny Tech Support Stories

I've come across some great Tech Support stories.  This time, the joke is on the Tech.

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My school district decided to require us school psychologists to do all our reports on laptops and print from a single printer. After a few months the laptop they provided me ceased to work with the printer. I spoke with the IT Manager.

• IT Manager: "I don't know if the problem is a hardware problem or a software problem."


• Me: "Ok."


• IT Manager: "So I can't solve the problem now."


• Me: "When can you solve it?"


• IT Manager: "I told you: I don't know if it is a hardware problem or a software problem. I can't fix it until I know."


• Me: "Ok. I need to print my reports. When will I be able to?"


• IT Manager: (angrily) "Look, if it's a hardware problem I can't fix it! I don't know if it is a hardware or a software problem."

I made several more attempts to communicate with the IT manager about this problem over the next few weeks, only to find myself in the same conversation. Finally, I sent a memo to my boss, explaining that I was having difficulty getting tech support and could not print out my reports. My boss wrote back:

• Boss: "Please do not harass the IT Manager anymore. He has already explained to you that he doesn't know whether it is a software problem or a hardware problem."

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My boyfriend and I were sitting in my dorm room, when there was a power surge, causing my computer to reboot. Unfortunately, it never got very far and popped up an error message about a missing file. Panicking, I reboot again, and the same thing happened. Foolishly, I decided to call my computer's tech support line, and after struggling with their automated system, I finally got through to someone.

• Tech Support: "Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you?"


• Me: "Yeah, um, I just had a power surge in my dorm room, and my computer won't reboot. It's giving me the error message: [error message]"


• Tech Support: "Have you tried rebooting?"


• Me: "Yeah. Want me to try again?"


• Tech Support: "Yes, go ahead. Tell me when Windows comes up."


• Me: "Ok...it's giving me the same error message. It's not even getting into Windows."


• Tech Support: "Ok, let's try rebooting again, but this time, hold the button down for longer."


• Me: "Er...how much longer?"


• Tech Support: "About five seconds."


• Me: "All right. Holding it down now...ok, it's rebooting."


• Tech Support: "Good. Tell me when Windows comes up."


• Me: "Same error."


• Tech Support: "Ok. Let's try a hard reboot. Turn your computer all the way off, then unplug the power cable."


• Me: (??) "All right, it's out."


• Tech Support: "Ok, now hold down your power button and plug it back in. But don't let go of the power button yet."


• Me: "Er. Ok. Tell me when to let go."


• Tech Support: "Ok, let go. Tell me when Windows comes up."


• Me: "Same error message. Windows isn't coming up."


• Tech Support: "Ok, let's try looking at your BIOS."


• Me: "All right."


• Tech Support: "Reboot your computer, and when it's coming up, hit F1 as many times as you can."


• Me: "Can't I just hit it once?"


• Tech Support: "No, your computer should start beeping. I want to make sure it beeps."


• Me: "All right, it beeped. BIOS came up a while ago."


• Tech Support: "Ok, let's walk through some things...."

He proceeded to do nothing more than confirm there was nothing wrong with my BIOS. He had me reboot again, and, of course, I got the same error message.

• Tech Support: "Ok, let's try bios one more time."


• Me: "All right."


• Tech Support: "Now, when it's rebooting, I want you to hit the F1 key as many times as you can. It has to beep for this to work."


• Me: "I really don't think my computer 'beeping' has anything to do with the problem."


• Tech Support: "I think I know a little more about computers than you do, ma'am."


• Me: "All right, fine, I'm hitting it. My computer is beeping."


• Tech Support: "I don't believe you."


• Me: "...Excuse me?"


• Tech Support: "I think you're lying. I need you to hit it as many times as you can. This is very important."

Finally, I gave up on the guy and made my boyfriend finish the call. About half a minute into the call, my boyfriend gets a really funny look on his face and ejects the floppy disk that was in the drive. He rebooted it, and it worked fine.

I suppose this doubles as a stupid user story too, but you'd think a tech support person would have checked for that early on, instead all the other dumb things he had me do.

 

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OK, this joke is on the customer.

 

• Customer: "Hi, I recently bought a computer, and I seem to be having problems."


• Tech Support: "What type of problems?"


• Customer: "Nothing seems to be working at all."


• Tech Support: "Hmmm, what kind of computer is it?"


• Customer: "[brand]."


• Tech Support: "Actually, we don't sell that brand of computer here."


• Customer: "I know, I bought it from a friend of mine."


• Tech Support: "May I ask why you are calling us for support?"


• Customer: "Aren't you a computer store?"


• Tech Support: "Yes."


• Customer: "Well, I was in there yesterday."


• Tech Support: "And you bought something from us?"


• Customer: "No, but you sell computers so you should fix them."


• Tech Support: "Did we sell your computer to you?"


• Customer: "No."


• Tech Support: "Did we sell anything to you?"


• Customer: "No."


• Tech Support: "Why should we be supporting something we didn't sell you?"


• Customer: "Well, who should I be calling?"


• Tech Support: "Probably your friend, or the manufacturer of the computer."


• Customer: "You are not very much help, you know."


• Tech Support: "I am sorry but there is not much I can do for you, unless you would like to bring the computer in and pay a fee for fixing it."


• Customer: "Why should I have to pay for you to work on my computer?"


• Tech Support: "Sir, I am hanging up now."